Aubrey Sampson and her husband,
Kevin, opened a church plant and were caring for their young son as he
recovered from spinal cord surgery when she was diagnosed with a painful,
chronic, lifelong disease. In the midst of this, her cousin was killed in a tragic
hiking accident. She was forced to live within the reality of grief and pain.
Through her journey, she found that hope and lament are not opposites, but that
lament tunes our ears and hearts to hope.
You talk
about the many laments in the Bible. Why do you think we don’t focus on this
part of Scripture?
We want the hope and resurrection and don’t want to
talk about the reality of suffering. Not just that suffering exists but that
God can use it for our sanctification. The theology I inherited was focused on
New Testament hope, victory, power, and overcoming. Perhaps we shy away from
lament because it forces us to admit our own brokenness and limits.
Why do
we need instruction in how to lament?
Many of us have never understood the concept of
lamenting. We need permission to complain to God, to get mad, to grieve. In our
intimate, covenant relationship with God, it isn’t just that we can lament, but
that He invites us to lament.
Talk
about a turning point for you in your season of lament.
During my lament, I struggled with my usual spiritual
practices—reading my Bible, prayer, journaling—things that had previously
helped me draw near to God weren’t working. God led me to a spiritual director.
My time with her helped me to see that I was trying to control the outcome of
my season of lament. I was still in a performance mindset; I wanted to do
lament right. She helped me invite God’s grace into my process.
Slowly over time I realized that I was worshipping the
God who gives me blessings and benefits and I needed to worship God for
Himself. I had to move to trust God for Himself alone, not what He does for me.
What
does a season of pain and lament do to our close relationships?
Initially I thought that my pain was only happening to
me and that my husband should feel sorry for me and understand me. I was
self-absorbed and that caused conflict. What I didn’t understand was how much
my pain was impacting my husband. My pain actually hurt him and changed his
life as well. He was grieving the wife that was. Together, we sought counseling
in this season.
Why do
you think people get stuck in lament?
Some people don’t get past the questions of lament—the
wondering about how God could allow pain and grief. They get stuck and walk
away from God and faith. I do know that God is with those who are
brokenhearted, even when they don’t feel Him. God is faithful and He does show
up. Also, there is an aspect of endurance in lament—to keep asking God, to keep
inviting him in, to not give up.
We know that there is resurrection, restoration, and a
new creation, but we also know it may be years and there are aspects of this
life that we may never understand until eternity.
How can
we walk honestly and helpfully with others in their lament?
Our pain can be isolating, but God’s people are
designed to be the presence of God for others. We can practice hope, love, and
“withness” for others so they don’t feel alone in their lament. The ministry of
presence is sitting with people in the darkness. We can hold onto hope until
they too can see the light and hope.
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